January 16, 2004
Don't blame me: I voted for Red Bull

Illustration: John Kerry refuels on the campaign trail

Talking Points' Joshua Micah Marshall has spent the past few days examining the most recent flurry of fluctuating poll results in anticipation of Monday's Democratic primary in Iowa, and by his measure, one thing seems to have become at least somewhat clear, at least according to Zogby's polls: John Kerry is, or may very well be, ascending in popularity with Iowa's voters. And while that last sentence is so incredibly tepid in its support of a position, this hesitancy is important, because, well, we're dealing with tracking polls, which, of course, haven't been the most historically accurate source of election data in the past.

Hey, man, John "fucking" Kerry doesn't give a damn about statistics! He's riding high on endorsements right now–including one from Iowa's First Lady, and yesterday's from former Sen. Bob Kerrey, his similarly-named Vietnam veteran alter-ego, himself a former presidential candidate. Today's Washington Post features some highlights of Kerry's speech at a campaign stop yesterday, including this entertaining nugget:

"Do you like the surge?" Kerry hollered Thursday as he piloted his campaign helicopter into Sioux City to whip up his growing legion of supporters. "Do you like the surge? Are you ready to make more and more surge a surprise on Monday?"

Yes, it's true that we digitally inserted that PowerAde-like sports drink into the accompanying photo, but those lines sampled above are actual quotes.

While Zogby hasn't yet made their polling data for the elusive 18-24 year-old male demographic available yet, we're fairly confident that, come Monday, John Kerry will be available in Extreme Lemon Lime, Power Cherry, and Blue Raspberry flavors.

Posted in a Grave fashion.

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