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February 23, 2005
"And the Best Actor Who Overcame Career Embarrassment is..."
Office betting pools for the 2005 Oscar race are fast coming due, with the race for Best Actor seeming to pose a particularly difficult challenge for casual bettors and/or filmgoers. With that in mind, we've prepared this annotated list of nominees for Best Actor to help you make your picks this weekend...
 | Leonardo DiCaprio
Not honored for his role as
Luke Brower in 1991's Growing PainsGetting into character for this part required hours and hours of sleeping in a classroom closet. And being unbearably fucking handsome. Or is that unbearably fucking homeless? Aw, fuck it, look how goddamned cute this little street urchin is! First he stole our hearts, and then he fucked Katherine Hepburn. |
 | Johnny Depp
Not honored for his role as
Officer Tom Hanson in 1987's 21 Jump StreetYeah, that's stubble on my chin. I haven't shaved in like two weeks, you know. You can totally tell. I'm thinking of growing it out. What? Huh? Yeah, that's a fucking gun in my backpack. It goes nicely with those drugs in your pocket, punk. You, against the lockers, now! |
 | Clint Eastwood
Not honored for his role as
Philo Beddoe in 1978's Every Which Way But LooseBecause who doesn't like to fuck monkeys? (This character was purportedly spun off to create the hit 1979 television series, B.J. and the Bear.) |
 | Jamie Foxx
Not honored for his role as
Wanda the Ugly Chick in 1990's In Living ColorBeing blind is one thing. But the foulest lay imaginable? |
 | Don Cheadle
Not honored for his role as
Basher Tarr in 2001's Ocean's ElevenGetting into character for this part required hours and hours of listening to George Clooney and Steven Soderbergh's pitching each other various TV series and film projects. All of which seemed like good ideas at the time. |
Other Recent Items of Interest:
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Make our "team" part of your "team"
 Jean-Paul
Tremblay written-ed, directed and co-produced a bunch of so-called "comedy" and "video" content, sings better songs than New Zealanders, and preps food for Padma Lakshmi. Repped by John Herndon at Grape Dope Entertainment. Thrill jockey!
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 Matt
Haber has written for The New York Times, Esquire,
and The New York Observer. He is not allergic to pet dander
and can do "ethnic" accents if the part calls for it. He is repped
by Candy Addams at Entertainment 4-Every-1. Feeling
special?
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 Sienna Miller starred in Alfie, Layer Cake, and Factory Girl. So, so hot! And so, so scandalous! She most recently shined in Interview, and she's repped by Dallas Smith at PFD. Damn, she's fine. (Except for her appearance in Casanova...shudder.)
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 Guy Cimbalo is
so cute! Yes, he is. Who's a cute little Guy? You are, you are!
Guy also appears in the upcoming Siberia doc and is repped by Jeff Kwatinetz at
The Firm. Rowr!
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What "They" Say About "Us"
"Humor so black you're afraid to laugh." - Playboy
"Low Culture gets more mileage out of headlines and photo
captions than most blogs get out of endless pages of text." -
The Week
"No irony slips past Low Culture." -
Daniel Radosh
"what's happened to this site? it used to be one of my favorites.
now there are never new posts and when there are it's bloodied
and dismembered dead bodies... grave, indeed." - Some Guy Named
Tim
"I don't get it." - Some Person Calling Him-/Herself "Cubeoid"
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