December 11, 2003
Like A Virgo?

virgo.gifWhy can't I be a power punk?' you mewl over a nearly empty box of Snackwells and your newest fact-checking assignment. Have you ever considered you might just be born under the wrong sign?

New York Observer's long-awaited assembly of the 50 Baby Bigshots Who Run the City,' offers few surprises, but under closer scrutiny is it actually possible to detect a pattern to their choices? Sure, if you were born in Manhattan, if you're white and at least vaguely attractive, you have a fair shot of making 2004's list. But what distinguishes the average Dalton grad from the premier power punk? After a thorough low culture investigation, we've managed to distill that special something - being born between August 23 and September 22.

Alongside glowing profiles and troubling caricatures, the Observer is kind enough to offer exact date-of-birth for all of its minor majordomos. Aside from knowing when to send out birthday cards, or simply alerting you when next to avoid the private rooms at Lotus, what is the value in providing these people's DOB's?

Careful statistical analysis has revealed that a whopping 20.4% of New York's young and powerful are Virgos. That's right, a sign known for its need to receive attention, adoration and gratitude is about to take on the mantle of power in Manhattan. Another 13% of those potent punks are Aries, a group who tend to be self-centered and willful. Add optimistic Sagittarians into that equation, and with only three of the twelve star signs represented, a jaw dropping 44.8% of all New York's tough tyros figure in.

And if you're an Aquarius, forget about ever attaining New York Observer's lofty climes. Only one of these mighty minors was born under that unfortunate sign.

Posted in a Shallow fashion.

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