Categories
Shallow

All the way from Velvet Goldmine to Napoleon Dynamite

napoleondynamite.jpg
Dynamite, get it?
Existing screenwriters/directors to whom Napoleon Dynamite writer/director Jared Hess owes a debt:
Alexander Payne, for his usage of the “everyday”, contemporary America as a cinematic template.
Wes Anderson, for imbuing the quirkiness of characters with a celebratory yet sentimental quality—though not going nearly as overboard as Anderson ultimately does in this regard.
Todd Solondz, for nastily ridiculing the above notions of “the everyday” and “those who are quirky”, as well as “those who are lunkheads”, “jocks”, or otherwise boring as all fuck; knocking them all down a peg or two, and somehow giving an anti-hero hailing from the geeky dregs of mundane life a reason for the filmgoer to actually empathize with them.
Chris Smith (of American Movie and Home Movie fame), for successfully (and effectively) conflating such ridicule and empathy.
Todd Haynes, for utterly nailing the ability to appropriate for appropriation’s sake.
Adam Shankman (of Bringing Down the House infamy), for relying on some really regrettable racial stereotypes. Wow…whites, blacks and latinos are different, get it? Haha!

Categories
Grave

Well, he’s certainly not being sworn in as the Minister of Interior Decorating

greenspan_cheney.jpg
From Yahoo! News: “Vice-President Dick Cheney swears in Alan Greenspan for a fifth term as chairman of the Federal Reserve, the central bank said in a statement. (AFP/White House/David Bohrer)”

Categories
Grave

This Saudi crackdown on terror sure has been effective

saudi_gas_prices.jpg
From “Snow: Saudis Intent on Terror Money Cuts”, the Associated Press, June 20, 2004:

“I think the two biggest exports of Saudi Arabia have been oil and terrorism, and that one of the ways in which they supported terrorism was by their support for the schools in which hatred was taught of the West, the so-called madrassas,” [Sen. Carl Levin, D-Mich.] told CNN.
“Now, I think they finally have been hit at home, so they realize that what they have helped to unleash in the world is coming back to bite them as well. And so I’m hopeful that they’ll take stronger action now,” Levin said.
“But until now, I don’t see that they have taken strong actions in many areas. And that’s part of the problem that we’ve had.”
The chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, Sen. Richard Lugar, R-Ind., said that unless Saudi Arabia better protects Americans and other foreigners working in the kingdom, “they’re in deep trouble with regard to the oil business.”

Yes, Senator Lugar, Saudi Arabia is and will be in “deep trouble with regard to the oil business.” Which in no way effects American consumers and the prices they pay for gasoline…
RELATED: John Kerry’s campaign website (and this is their typo, not mine) on the matter of Skyrocking Gas Prices and the Impact on America’s Families, Industry and Economy”
Happy skyrocking! Me, I’m off to go spacedancing with my renewable-energy beatbox.

Categories
Shallow

Airing all this weekend on the USA Network…

Another weekend, another new crop of films to consider seeing…but how to sift through the varied options and spend your hard-earned $10.25 wisely?

Thanks to media consolidation, however, there’s a new option, one where you don’t have to spend any money at all. In fact, the studios don’t even have to spend anything either if they just make these movies with C-list stars for a D-List cable network. Big spending producers, read on and prepare to save your millions.

usaremake_terminal.jpg The Terminal

Starring Yes, Dear‘s Anthony Clark and Kyra Sedgwick

usaremake_stepford.jpg The Stepford Wives

Starring Brooke Shields

usaremake_potter.jpg Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Starring Quintuplet‘s Ryan Pinkston, as Harry

usaremake_dayafter.jpg The Day After Tomorrow

Starring 7th Heaven‘s Jeremy London, and featuring Tony Danza as his concerned father

chroniclesofriddickposter.jpg The Chronicles of Riddick

Starring Charlie Sheen and pop/R&B star Brandy

usaremake_beforesunset.jpg Before Sunset

Starring Sean Astin and Neve Campbell as lovers reunited

usaremake_troy.jpg Troy

Starring Ryan Seacrest as Achilles, and Eric Bana

Categories
Shallow

Pseudo Imaginary Trend, Continued: Fictional Characters Named after Writers

navasky_navorski.jpg
Tom Hanks as Viktor Navorski…. Victor Navasky as, well, Victor Navasky
As reported here earlier, using the names of writers for movie characters is a growing pseudo imaginary trend in Hollywood. The creeping influence of literature is probably unavoidable, since screenwriters, as a group, are such a well-read lot. (A West Coast friend of ours actually called us once from Book Soup to tell us Brett Ratner was buying the collected works of Isaac Bashevis Singer—and this was way before that writer’s centennial! And, presuming the books were in Hebrew, the director even attempted to read them from back-to-front!)
Anyway, the trend continues with the release of Steven Spielberg’s The Terminal, in which pink-cheeked national treasure Tom Hanks plays a character named after pinko Nation editorial director and publisher, Victor Navasky. (This is not the first time Navasky has seen his name named on film: he’s also the nomenclatural inspiration for Greg Kinnear’s character in You’ve Got Mail.)

Categories
Grave

Am I Veep Or Not?

kerry_vp_watch.jpg
Odds of a Kerry/McCain 2004 Candidacy: 0/1,000,000
Odds of a Kerry/Kucinich 2004 Candidacy: 1/1,000,000
(cf. McCain, Bush Begin to Mend Ties; Senator Wooed by Kerry but Will Appear With Former Rival, Washington Post, June 17, 2004)

Categories
Shallow

Tomorrow’s Corrections Today, vol. 4

Slated to appear on the New York Times’ Corrections page, June 18, 2004:

Because of an editing error, an op-ed by Maureen Dowd in yesterday’s Opinion section, “Smack That Cheney-Bot!“, accidentally revealed that the Vice President is a robot. The corrected article should have merely implied this fact. The Times regrets the error.

Categories
Grave Satirical

I thought I could, I thought I could

bush_little_engine_thcould.jpg
From the imagined ramblings of an alternate-universe George W. Bush, best-selling author of inspirational children’s books, in response to the actual, real-world ramblings of the actual, real-world President Bush mere hours ago:

Right past that mountain, right over there, are the Iraqi people.
They await liberation. They await the gift of democracy, which we have in great supply aboard our train. They await our presence as liberators.
Over that mountain, there, are weapons of mass destruction, and a terrorist named Abu Mussab al-Zarqawi. He’s being harbored by Saddam Hussein, right over that mountain there.
Please, United Nations, and please, Democratic leadership, help me bring the gift of democracy to the people of Iraq, right over that mountain there.
There is a link to al Qaeda. There is a link to al Qaeda.
It’s right over that mountain, there.

Categories
Shallow

2004 Us cover subjects

J.Lo llll ll
Jennifer Aniston llll
Reality TV “stars” llll
Britney Spears lll
Jessica Simpson ll
Miscellaneous topical content lll
Categories
Grave Unintentionally Hilarious

Unintentionally Hilarious Photo of the Moment, vol. 24

bush_decking_macdill.jpg