Categories
Grave

No civilian deaths? That’s because all the Marines think these people are just laying there, pretending to be dead

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As captioned by the AP: “U.S. Marines of the 1st Division pass by dead bodies in the western part of Fallujah, Iraq, Sunday, Nov. 14, 2004.”
From Several Insurgent Bases Found in Falluja, U.S. General Says, the New York Times, November 18, 2004:

The American death toll from the Falluja operation, which began Nov. 7, now stands at 51, with 425 wounded, General Sattler said, although an unspecified number of the wounded have returned to duty. Eight Iraqi soldiers have died and 43 were wounded, he added.
From 25 to 30 Iraqi civilians were treated for wounds, but there have been no reported Iraqi civilian deaths yet, the general said.

Categories
OC-centric Shallow

The O.C.: Your One and Only Friend

002oc.jpgYeah, you’ve kinda lost your edge. You’re still listening to that Spin Doctors CD from college and you couldn’t tell the difference between The Hives and The Vines if your life depended on it. (And back-channel al Qaeda chatter indicates that millions of Americans’ lives may, in fact, depend on knowing the difference between these two bands.)
That’s what’s so great about The O.C. You can feel cool again, plugged in. When you watch The O.C., you feel like one of the cool kids, instead of a paunchy, weak-kneed loser sliding into a wide, ugly middle age of quiet desperation, which is what you are.
But, man, for that hour The O.C. is on, you’re that kid in the front row at the pep rally, applauding for your incredibly cute girlfriend, the head cheerleader. Sometimes your dumb friends make jokes about her being the head cheerleader, but screw ’em, they’re just jealous. You guys are a good couple and nothing’s gonna come between you. I mean, not until college at least.
College is gonna be great. No parents! No dumb rules or homework! Will you pledge a fraternity? Maybe! Will you finally get to have a threesome? Maybe! Will you make friends for life who will support you, care about you, hook you up with awesome jobs when you graduate? Maybe!
Then again, maybe not. Those guys are so selfish. None of them return your calls and the last time you hung out with them, they made fun of your job, your Today’s Man suit, and your studio apartment. Such snobs. Maybe you should call that girl you dated in high school, that cheerleader you dumped freshman year of college when you were sure you’d be getting tons of dorm room nookie.
What, she’s married now? To whom? That guy from your fraternity? Goddamnit! Those jerks! Well, there’s always The O.C. Now you feel better, don’t you, ya fuckin’ loser?
Actually, I’ve never seen The O.C.; I’m sure it’s pretty good.
The O.C. airs at 8PM EST on FOX.
Earlier: O.C.D.; Obligatory Pop Culture Entry To Prove We Haven’t Become Humorless Prigs.

Categories
Grave

They’ve got the world on a string

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European Central Bank chief Jean-Claude Trichet tries to get his yo-yo “Around the Third World“.
In this week’s hottest economic news (though – full disclosure – I’m not Lou Dobbs, and am in no way to be confused with someone of that level of expertise, and nor would I ever recklessly fund a dotcom venture like Space.com), the G20, or so-called “Group of 20”, is slated to meet in Berlin on Friday. Here, the world’s 20 financial superpowers will gather around flaming piles of cash as they try to cook up ways of explaining to United States representatives that the Bush Administration’s unchecked deficit spending is, hmmm, how to put this excessively simply, on the verge of fucking the world up. In a totally bad, unproductive way, I mean, unlike that successful prosecution of the War on Terror™, which, as we all know, made the world more secure. And then Treasury Secretary John Snow will presumably respond, “Fuck if we care.”
RELATED: Bruce Almighty, and One Market Under God: Extreme Capitalism, Market Populism, and the End of Economic Democracy, by Thomas Frank

Categories
Shallow

I Can All But Guarantee That This Photo (or a worse one) Will Be Used in Tomorrow’s Post or Daily News

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Howard Stern in Union Square, Nov. 18, 2004.
And the headline will be STERN FACED or SIRIUS EXPRESSION.

001carnac.jpgMmmmmyah. May Burt Reynolds sell you a used bearskin rug. Call me Carnac.

Categories
Grave

Grrrr! Secretary No Like Economic Imbalance!

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Treasury Secretary John Snow in England, before throwing that little girl with the flowers into the river.
Related: Richard Kiel

Categories
Grave

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

Colin Powell, who famously took “conclusive evidence” to the U.N. stating that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction, is now claiming that Iran is on the same path.
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We’re looking forward to a U.N. performance by Condaleeza Rice to convince the world that this time we mean it, for real.

Categories
Grave

Despite Key Evidence Cited by Alberto Gonzales, The President Pardoned Biscuits the Turkey

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Gentle Touch: “If you was in Texas, I’d fry you.”

Categories
Shallow

The Source Awards

One of the most desperate tactics a journalist can resort to is using another journalist as a source. It’s even more desperate when the journalist used as a source is from the antipodal publication to your own, a publication whose credibility your worthless paper would never endorse were you not in a bad bind and really needed to flesh-out an unformed rehash of a story. But it’s really desperate when the journalist you use as a source is funnier and more effortlessly talented than you are, and upstages you with brio.
Take today’s New York Post, which features a not-so timely piece on whether or not Oliver Stone’s Alexander is too gay. Written by the Post‘s giddy answer to Walter Monheit, Jr., “Captain” Lou Lumenick, it’s called Light in the Sandals. (Get it? That’s, like, a joke about fags.)
After a few paragraphs of quoting from the trailer and citing articles previously published in Playboy and Entertainment Weekly (in the biz, we call this sort of shoe leather-preserving reporting “a rounder”), Lumenick gets someone on the horn:

Village Voice columnist Michael Musto, who has long monitored homosexual behavior in Hollywood films, says they tend to shy away from showing the physical aspects of gay love, especially when major stars are involved.
‘This film tries to have it both ways, like Alexander himself,’ Musto said.”


See, this is the problem with resorting to this sort of lame, lazy journalism. In one well-turned, humorous phrase, Michael Musto steals his equally alliterative interviewer Lou Lumenick’s article right out from under him. (I also like how Lumenick makes his source sound like some sort of anthropologist of gay Hollywood, endowed, as it were, with a grant from the N.E.H.)
Lumenick probably sought out Musto for his years of experience dispensing soundbites like that on VH1 and any show that will cover his steep per diem (zip, as it turns out), but if Lumenick were a real journalist, he would’ve just stolen Musto’s joke and called it his own. That’s how the pros do it.
Related: More gay Oliver Stone news from today’s Post.

Categories
Shallow

We Invented the Remix

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Mean People Suck: Yeah, we think we’re better than this, too.

Categories
Grave Unintentionally Hilarious

Unintentionally Hilarious Photo of the Moment, Vol. 42

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