So I’m taking the L train to work this morning and I could swear that I was sitting next to this girl I met at Max Fish on Saturday.
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Back to the Future
El Pidio and I have become obsessed with playing a game we have tentatively titled, “Where will they be in the future?” The game borrows its structure from that “Where Are They Now?” show that Pids and I haven’t been able to turn off. But the idea is that you’re playing “Where are they now?” twenty years in the future. Which of today’s stars are bound to fall off the face of the earth? And where will they be?
Here are some of our ideas for where some stars will be in 20 years. Feel free to contribute your own.
“Queer” Carson — Doing his own show in Branford
Paris Hilton — Doing her own show in Branford
Donald Trump — Still firing people!
Pam Anderson — Astronaut
Simon Cowell — Crazy homeless person
That guy from “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance” — Car Salesman
And here’s where they’ll probably be in fifty years:
“Queer” Carson — Dead
Paris Hilton — Dead
Donald Trump — Still firing people!
Pam Anderson — Dead
Simon Cowell — Dead
That guy from “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance” — Dead
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Splendor in the grass
My grandmother took ill recently, so I had to make a sojourn back to Red Bank and pay her a visit. Of course, I brought my digital camera! Here are some “artsy” shots I took of the fields behind her house while my brothers and sisters were caring for her.
Here we are again, a few hours later. I really like the way the light works with the shapes in the foreground. My aunt said Grandma was nauseous, so I wanted to give her some space and went outside again, taking the opportunity to shoot more photos. You know, when you’re given lemons, you make lemonade!
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Goodbye, Lenin! (and hello, Berlin!)
After all the positive response to my photos from London, I realized I forgot to post snapshots from my February trip to the 2004 European Advertising Conference in Berlin, which has now, thankfully, been free of the infamous “Wall” for more than a decade. Above is a shot of the stoic facade of concrete about which President Reagan so elegantly implored, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall!”
I don’t really know what this is, but my German hosts said something to the effect of it being a relic of East Germany’s attempts at building architectural marvels that could rival the West’s creativity. All I know is, this isn’t something I could safely pitch as an ad concept to Nestle or GM and feel as though they’d get it.
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I’m almost sorry to be back…
I just returned from my business trip to London, and wanted to post some “brilliant” photos of the world’s loveliest city! (That’s what all the UK-based ad agency executives I met with said whenever they liked something, or thought it was cool…”Brilliant!”) Anyway, here’s their equivalent of Times Square.
They have all these public restrooms over there, too…really amazing. I didn’t have the need to use one, thankfully, so I don’t know if you need to insert coins to use them, but I bet they cost more than a “quid”.
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Tastes Great! Less Filling!
From “Mass. Gay Marriage Ban Passes Hurdle” by Jennifer Peter (Associated Press), March 30, 2004:
BOSTON (AP) — Legislators approved a constitutional amendment Monday that would ban gay marriages while legalizing civil unions. If passed during the next two-year Legislative session, the measure would go before voters in November 2006.
[…]
The constitutional convention took place in front of thousands of citizens, who crowded the Statehouse each day to watch from the gallery and protest in the hallways.
After each intonation of “Jesus” by gay rights opponents inside the building Monday, gay rights advocates tacked on “loves us.” The two opposing sides then shouted “Jesus Christ!” and “equal rights!” simultaneously, blending into a single, indistinguishable chant.
Oh, and for what it’s worth, this tastes awful, and leaves me feeling rather empty inside.
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Sex and the Sunday Comics
Are Sundays just not the same without that Sex and the City fix? Well, for those modern gals who count SATC, Tasti D-Lite and Sunday Styles among their desert island picks, low culture has the remedy.
Ladies, treat yourself to a lo-cal binge on the comic strip Cathy. In many ways our Cathy is the original Carrie Bradshaw – perpetually whining, pathologically self-aware, and ultimately interested in only the four c’s of diamond buying (that’s cut, color, carat, and clarity if you didn’t know). But Cathy is more than just ur-SATC – she’s newly engaged.
Indeed that Mr. Big of the comics page, Irving, has finally proposed. And Cathy said yes! Although she might not have the fantastic support group that Carrie did, her ever kvetching mother is sure to provide all the doubt and dialogue that the three viragos of SATC managed to shriek. And while you can’t buy Cathy’s clothing, wouldn’t a collectible print of Cathy’s journey to wedded bliss prove the perfect alternative?
With this record-length will they/won’t they finally resolved, we can finally shift our concerns to other comics: will Heart of the City ever play doctor with sci-fi geek/sidekick Dean? Will Mallard Fillmore ever agree with those liberal professors? And can the Lockhorns ever get along?
Indeed the mewling, man-hungry women of SATC may have retired, but the comics page is here to save the day.
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We Will Never Forget
How many high-concept romantic comedies can one moviegoer take? Two, apparently – 50 First Dates and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – although we’ll just have to wait until Friday for The Prince & Me. Clip and go with low culture’s handy guide to all those heady laughers and never get confused again.
Island setting:
50FD – Oahu, Hawaii
ESSM – Rockville Centre, Long Island
Former comedian turned serious actor in lead:
50FD – Adam Sandler
ESSM – Jim Carrey
Female lead with body issues (chubby):
50FD – Drew Barrymore
ESSM – Kate Winslet
Unattractive, humorous male sidekick:
50FD – Rob Schneider
ESSM – David Cross
Former Hobbit in supporting role:
50FD – Sean Astin
ESSM – Elijah Wood
Long-term or short-term memory loss?
50FD – Short-term
ESSM – Long-term
Literary aspirations:
50FD – Lead character named for writer Henry Roth
ESSM – Title taken from Alexander Pope poem
Piece of crap?
50FD – Yes
ESSM – No, mostly
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Ass Backward
Did anyone else assume this cover story would be about forced sodomy among little leaguers?