March 21, 2006
Guinness Book of World Records 1982 Special Edition: Where Are They Now?

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Benny and Billy McGuire


Record: Heaviest Twins, weighing 1,500 lbs combined
Whereabouts: Dead. Obviously.


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Don Cook


Record: Wearing a 21,000 bee beard
Whereabouts: Retired after severe allergy attack caused anaphylactic shock. (Though not from a bee sting—from a peanut.)


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  Karna Ram Bheal


Record: Longest Moustache, 8’ 6”
Whereabouts: Got out of the longest moustache business because it was getting way too commercial. “Back in the day, we just had 7’ moustaches for the sheer pleasure of it, man. And for her sheer pleasure.”


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Sorin Monteanu


Record: Juggling 7 clubs at once
Whereabouts: Had a long hard look at himself and decided juggling was really uncool.


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Shridar Chilal


Record: Longest Nails, length totally 108.5” long
Whereabouts: Met a nice girl at a fair in 1985 and decided it was time to cut his nails.


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  Theraphosa blondi


Record: Largest Known Spider
Whereabouts: Crushed by Largest Known Copy of Newsweek


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   Ned Weeks


Record: Largest Peanut (3.5”)
Whereabouts: Acquitted of attempted manslaughter for feeding Don “Bee Guy” Cook a really big peanut.


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 Dixie Cup


Record: Largest Paper Cup, 6’ tall, holds 569 gallons
Whereabouts: Widely available at all 7-11 outlets and Loews-AMC movie theaters


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 Linda Kurth


Record: Eating 23 2-oz. Hotdogs in 3 minutes 10 seconds
Whereabouts: Unknown. If you know Linda—or if you are Linda—please contact the authors, care of this website. Pleeease.

Posted in a Desperate fashion.

Other Recent Items of Interest:

Make our "team" part of your "team"
jean-paul tremblayJean-Paul Tremblay written-ed, directed and co-produced a bunch of so-called "comedy" and "video" content, is notoriously competitive, and nonetheless settles for bottom-tier tokenism. Repped by John Herndon at Grape Dope Entertainment. Thrill jockey!
matt haberMatt Haber has written for The New York Times, Esquire, and The New York Observer. He is not allergic to pet dander and can do "ethnic" accents if the part calls for it. He is repped by Candy Addams at Entertainment 4-Every-1. Feeling special?
Guy Cimbalo is so cute! Yes, he is. Who's a cute little Guy? You are, you are! Guy's our very own star of stage and screen and is repped by Jeff Kwatinetz at The Firm. Rowr!
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