end run brought to you by ok soda
  August 30, 2005
OK, you've snapped your fingers, waved a magic wand, and signed a bill into law...now what?


From yesterday's "President Participates in Conversation on Medicare", El Mirage, Arizona, August 29, 2005:

"There's no way -- I wish I could just snap my fingers and lower the price of gasoline for you. The markets don't work that way. I'd be snapping if I could do it. (Laughter.) But we've got a strategy and a plan to help you."

From "President Speaks to U.S. Hispanic Chamber of Commerce Conference", Washington, D.C., April 20, 2005:

"A guy said, why don't you lower gasoline prices, Mr. President? (Laughter.) I said, I wish I could; I wish I could simply wave a magic wand and lower gas prices tomorrow; I'd do that.


That's why one of the first things I did when I came to office four years ago was to develop a national energy strategy. My first month in office I sent Congress a plan to put America on the path to greater energy security. For four years, Congress has discussed and debated, but they haven't achieved any results. Today, members of Congress began debating an energy bill, and this time they need to give us one. The summer travel season is fast approaching. Gas prices are on the minds of millions of Americans. Members of Congress can send an important signal that they are serious about solving America's energy problems by getting a bill to my desk before the summer recess. (Applause.)"

From "President Discusses Energy Policy", Washington, D.C., June 15, 2005:

"But people got to understand our dependence on foreign oil didn't develop overnight, and it's not going to be fixed overnight. To solve the problem, our nation needs a comprehensive energy policy. (Applause.) That's why one of the first things I did when I came to office four years ago was to develop a new energy strategy for America. And in my first months in office, I sent Congress a plan to put our nation on the path to greater energy independence. For four years, that United States Congress has discussed and debated the plan -- with no result. So earlier this year, I sent a clear message to Congress: Get a good energy bill on my desk before the August recess. Now is the time for them to act."

Of course, a few weeks ago, the President's cure-all came through, just in the nick of time to save American consumers from gas prices that approach $3! Right?

Oh, wait.

Posted at 4:54 PM in a Grave fashion.
You see, if it's the "Western White House," it means he wasn't really on vacation for five weeks, and you liberals were being a bunch of nattering naysayers for naught

President Bush makes a statement from his ranch in Crawford, Texas, Sunday, Aug. 28, 2005, about the Iraq constitution process and Hurricane Katrina. (AP Photo/Susan Walsh)

Posted at 10:28 AM in a Grave fashion.
  August 25, 2005
Quelle surprise! Iraqi women to be fucked over!

In the wake of news that the latest draft of Iraq's proposed constitution drastically curtails the rights of women, one can't help but consider that this scene from last fall's 2004 Republican National Convention seems remarkably prescient:


Because whether you're a rapper or just part of the Republican base, bitches ain't shit, it seems, but votes and gimmicks.

Posted at 11:28 AM in a Grave fashion.
Apparently Topping the Hot 100 Doesn't Warrant a Spell Check on Your Name

(courtesy Blender Magazine)

...or as Kayne Kanye put it, "It's Kanye, but some of my plaques, they still say 'Kayne.'"

Posted at 12:51 AM in a Shallow fashion.
  August 23, 2005
Maim All Christians!

robertson_bringiton.gif...because killing them, it turns out, would be, the Christian thing to do. And after the whole post-9/11 crackdown, we so, so, don't want to be confused with murderous zealots.

Via Robertson Calls for Chavez Assassination, the Washington Post:

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson has suggested that American agents assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to stop his country from becoming "a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism."


"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability," Robertson said Monday on the Christian Broadcast Network's "The 700 Club."

Posted at 12:37 PM in a Grave fashion.
  August 18, 2005
"Please, please...no cameras, please! No cameras!"



(AP Photos/J. Scott Applewhite)

Ok, all right, all right...fine, you caught us manipulating the context in which these photographs were taken. Yes, quite simply, it's hot down there in Crawford, Texas. From the glare of all those lights and cameras!

Posted at 12:14 PM in a Grave fashion.
  August 3, 2005
Fox News: We Report Whatever the Bush Administration Wants Us to, and Then You Decide

A screen capture taken from last night's edition of Fox News Live (August 2, 2005, 11:35pm)

Good God! A mere three years until the mullahs of Iran develop nuclear weaponry?

Meanwhile, from the rest of the news-reporting world, various accounts of this same news seemed to imply something entirely different. Not that Roger Ailes is fabricating news rather than spinning it as is customary, but, hey:

The following news, also reported yesterday, comes via "Iran Is Judged 10 Years From Nuclear Bomb; U.S. Intelligence Review Contrasts With Administration Statements", the Washington Post, Tuesday, August 2, 2005:

A major U.S. intelligence review has projected that Iran is about a decade away from manufacturing the key ingredient for a nuclear weapon, roughly doubling the previous estimate of five years, according to government sources with firsthand knowledge of the new analysis.

The carefully hedged assessments, which represent consensus among U.S. intelligence agencies, contrast with forceful public statements by the White House.

Posted at 9:59 AM in a Grave fashion.
  August 2, 2005
Finally, we begin to feel sorry for President Bush

bush_owner_texasrangers.jpgFrom Bush: Rove has 'my compete confidence' despite leak, Reuters, August 1, 2005:

"Karl's got my complete confidence. He's a valuable member of my team," Bush said in his strongest defense yet of Rove, the architect of his presidential campaigns.

From Palmeiro Suspended for Steroid Violation, the Washington Post, August 1, 2005:

"Rafael Palmeiro is a friend. He testified in public and I believe him," Bush said in an interview with the Knight Ridder news service. "He's the kind of person that's going to stand up in front of the klieg lights and say he didn't use steroids, and I believe him. Still do."
Posted at 1:10 PM in a Grave fashion.
Make our "team" part of your "team"
jean-paul tremblayJean-Paul Tremblay written-ed, directed and co-produced a bunch of so-called "comedy" and "video" content, is notoriously competitive, and nonetheless settles for bottom-tier tokenism. Repped by John Herndon at Grape Dope Entertainment. Thrill jockey!
matt haberMatt Haber has written for The New York Times, Esquire, and The New York Observer. He is not allergic to pet dander and can do "ethnic" accents if the part calls for it. He is repped by Candy Addams at Entertainment 4-Every-1. Feeling special?
Guy Cimbalo is so cute! Yes, he is. Who's a cute little Guy? You are, you are! Guy's our very own star of stage and screen and is repped by Jeff Kwatinetz at The Firm. Rowr!
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