February 23, 2005
"And the Best Actor Who Overcame Career Embarrassment is..."

Office betting pools for the 2005 Oscar race are fast coming due, with the race for Best Actor seeming to pose a particularly difficult challenge for casual bettors and/or filmgoers. With that in mind, we've prepared this annotated list of nominees for Best Actor to help you make your picks this weekend...

ba_oscar2005_leo.jpgLeonardo DiCaprio
Not honored for his role as
Luke Brower in 1991's Growing Pains

Getting into character for this part required hours and hours of sleeping in a classroom closet. And being unbearably fucking handsome. Or is that unbearably fucking homeless? Aw, fuck it, look how goddamned cute this little street urchin is! First he stole our hearts, and then he fucked Katherine Hepburn.

ba_oscar2005_depp.jpgJohnny Depp
Not honored for his role as
Officer Tom Hanson in 1987's 21 Jump Street

Yeah, that's stubble on my chin. I haven't shaved in like two weeks, you know. You can totally tell. I'm thinking of growing it out. What? Huh? Yeah, that's a fucking gun in my backpack. It goes nicely with those drugs in your pocket, punk. You, against the lockers, now!

ba_oscar2005_clint.jpgClint Eastwood
Not honored for his role as
Philo Beddoe in 1978's Every Which Way But Loose

Because who doesn't like to fuck monkeys? (This character was purportedly spun off to create the hit 1979 television series, B.J. and the Bear.)

ba_oscar2005_jamie.jpgJamie Foxx
Not honored for his role as
Wanda the Ugly Chick in 1990's In Living Color

Being blind is one thing. But the foulest lay imaginable?

ba_oscar2005_cheadle.jpgDon Cheadle
Not honored for his role as
Basher Tarr in 2001's Ocean's Eleven

Getting into character for this part required hours and hours of listening to George Clooney and Steven Soderbergh's pitching each other various TV series and film projects. All of which seemed like good ideas at the time.

Posted in a Shallow fashion.

Other Recent Items of Interest:

Make our "team" part of your "team"
jean-paul tremblayJean-Paul Tremblay written-ed, directed and co-produced a bunch of so-called "comedy" and "video" content, is notoriously competitive, and nonetheless settles for bottom-tier tokenism. Repped by John Herndon at Grape Dope Entertainment. Thrill jockey!
matt haberMatt Haber has written for The New York Times, Esquire, and The New York Observer. He is not allergic to pet dander and can do "ethnic" accents if the part calls for it. He is repped by Candy Addams at Entertainment 4-Every-1. Feeling special?
Guy Cimbalo is so cute! Yes, he is. Who's a cute little Guy? You are, you are! Guy's our very own star of stage and screen and is repped by Jeff Kwatinetz at The Firm. Rowr!
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