January 25, 2005
On the Value of Specificity in Writing


Ask Men, the online portal for anything with testes, has declared its Top 99 Most Desirable Women (get it? That’s one less than a hundred). Aside from the rather disappointing photos, the accompanying text for each babe also leaves something to be desired – any sense of actually describing the buxom beauty in question.

It’s a sure sign of the homogenization of popular culture. Or a sign of the overwhelming demands that society places on women’s appearance. Or maybe it’s a sign of AskMen’s lackluster editorial content. Eh, it’s probably something.

Just try to match each babe with her sexy vagaries.

Total Hottie Banal Sentiment
1. Vivica A. Fox A. …this girl could rival NASCAR. There's a sweetness about her that keeps people tuning in for more. Add to that a curvaceous figure and cleavage like the Appalachian Mountains -- well-shaped, impressive and all-natural.
2. Kristanna Loken B. Her mocha skin highlights every nook and cranny of her flawless body.
3. Alicia Keys C. What, you never looked at her legs? You never imagined what those bee-stung lips feel like? For all men and -- let's be honest -- many women, X remains an icon of unique sexiness that begs for further screen appearances.
4. Fergie (from Black-Eyed Peas) D. She's no teenage waif in skimpy clothes. She's got the curves, the moves and the attitude to make any man pay attention. She oozes more sex appeal per square inch than the whole of Sweden.
5. Nikki Cox E. X's striking face and luscious body attract men and women alike -- she has an impressive lesbian following. She's been dancing for years and it has paid off with a tight and toned body.
6. Demi Moore F. Her proportions and facial features are flawless, and there's nothing we can say about her lips that hasn't been said a dozen times already.
7. Uma Thurman G. In a blonde-saturated popular culture, X provides a refreshing respite with her sensual dark-haired aura. Her luminous eyes still give the movie screen an extra glow in those many close-ups.
8. Halle Berry H. Her beatific face, long legs, perfect curves... is it hot in here? One look at her is enough to realize why she became a model before turning to acting.
9. Angelina Jolie I. Yet she still maintains an allure usually restricted to the mysterious, and each time we see her scantily clad it's like the first time.
10. Brooke Burke J. A perfectly contoured stomach, toned legs and a more than ample chest should secure X a spot on this list for years to come.

Answer Key: 1-d, 2-h, 3-b, 4-e, 5-a, 6-g, 7-c, 8-i, 9-f, 10-j

Posted in a Shallow fashion.

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