November 9, 2004
I Learned It From Watching You!

001maxim.jpg"The mock petition concludes that without the protection of a government 'endangered' listing, 'man will surely succumb to the ravages of an effeminate, feng shui world gone mad.'


"The premise - that excessive grooming, smoothies and wimpy sports are draining masculinity from men - may deserve to be filed under hyperbole. But the underlying notion is that Maxim affirms certain behaviors in men before offering them to advertisers. As the Mantropy brochure says, 'Monthly doses of Maxim magazine, and strict adherence to the lifestyle outlined in its pages, have proven effective in curing even the worst cases of Mantropy.'"
Maxim Seeks to Portray Itself as Sophisticatedly Macho, by Nat Ives, The New York Times, Nov. 9, 2004


I’ve heard that celebs get rid of under-eye bags with Preparation H. Is it true?

Yep, the over-the-counter yellow goo isn’t just for butt relief anymore. Preparation H has been touted as fishing bait, balm for cocaine-ravaged nostrils, a caulking agent, and, yes, an eye-bag-busting facial cream. Nervous company reps won’t comment on anything except their product’s stated purpose: relieving raging ’roids. But when it comes to getting rid of the droopy Bill Clinton-during-impeachment look, dermatologists agree that Preparation H does the trick. “It tightens facial skin by temporarily constricting blood vessels and shrinking under-eye tissue'the same way it constricts and shrinks rectal blood vessels and tissue,” explains Debra Jaliman, M.D., a clinical instructor in dermatology at New York’s Mount Sinai School of Medicine.

Don’t worry, you won’t do your skin any damage by rubbing it on before an early meeting. But be warned: This stuff has the consistency of rubber cement, and it smells more like feces than flowers. Should you get some in your eye, it’ll burn like hell. Safer, better-smelling eye-bag eliminators: an ice pack, chilled cucumber slices, or a raw steak placed over your closed lids. These things don’t contain any magic ingredients (on the plus side, they won’t attract striped bass, either), but the cold will reduce puffiness, making your mug more presentable without causing you to make an, uh, ass of yourself.

Ask Dr. Maxim, June 2001, Maxim.

Posted in a Shallow fashion.

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