September 3, 2004
RNC 2004: Ahh, the memories...(An Infiltrator's Scrapbook)

Um, yeah, I don't think this needs a caption, right?

See, the joke is that this RNC worker looks just like Santa Claus, so Robert Smigel, as Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, can crack wise about outsourcing elves to India or somesuch routine.

See, the joke is...nevermind.

Who said conservatives don't have a flair for the creative when it comes to their wardrobe? These delegates from Montana are sporting a beret and a green frilly shawl type thing. That means they're the craftsiest conservatives out there.

Christ almighty, lord Jesus. You can't see from here, but those badges and buttons sport a plethora of pro-life phrases.

Continued below...after the so-called jump.


Ah, yes...Fox News. Here, in the radio section of the media pavilion, we've got the world's ugliest, least intelligent liberal ever, Alan Colmes, and one of the network's roster of blond female newsreaders. I believe this version's name is Monica Crowley, and she's about to swallow the microphone, which is a technological synonym for "Roger Ailes' cock."

Before being treated to this Dan Bartlett-approved photo montage of Dick Cheney's greatest media moments (including an appearance with the imbecilic Jay Leno), the best part of the VP's acceptance speech was the eight-second interval between Zell Miller's speech and Lynne Cheney's arrival onstage to introduce her husband. In that short eight second period, some stage lackey raced out to slap a decal on the podium with the Seal of the Vice President of the United States. How very authoritative! A decal!


Yes, believe it or not, there were actual buffoons in the crowd. The woman above turned to glare at me when, at one point during Lynne Cheney's introduction, as she spoke about meeting Dick in high school, and how he was the captain of some sports team, and how he was a hot, desirable upperclassman, I exclaimed, "And then he took my virginity in his daddy's Cadillac." Glare, glare, glare. Seriously, honey, I'm not the one sporting the A&F knockoff pro-Bush paraphernalia.



"Union...and proud of it!" The one-and-only instance of union support extant at MSG this week. I mean, a "union"? What the fuck is that? I loved the idea of people buying the various items on sale and being subjected to this employee's button.

Goodbye, delegates! The bus's tinted windows and the carefully chosen route back to your hotels, I hope, effectively shielded you from the city's various low-wage earners and other assorted undesirables, thereby allowing you to watch softcore porn in your hotel rooms in peace and quiet.

And that's really all we want for a better America, right?

Posted in a Grave fashion.

Other Recent Items of Interest:

Make our "team" part of your "team"
jean-paul tremblayJean-Paul Tremblay written-ed, directed and co-produced a bunch of so-called "comedy" and "video" content, is notoriously competitive, and nonetheless settles for bottom-tier tokenism. Repped by John Herndon at Grape Dope Entertainment. Thrill jockey!
matt haberMatt Haber has written for The New York Times, Esquire, and The New York Observer. He is not allergic to pet dander and can do "ethnic" accents if the part calls for it. He is repped by Candy Addams at Entertainment 4-Every-1. Feeling special?
Guy Cimbalo is so cute! Yes, he is. Who's a cute little Guy? You are, you are! Guy's our very own star of stage and screen and is repped by Jeff Kwatinetz at The Firm. Rowr!
What "They" Say About "Us"

"Humor so black you're afraid to laugh." - Playboy

"Low Culture gets more mileage out of headlines and photo captions than most blogs get out of endless pages of text." - The Week

"No irony slips past Low Culture." - Daniel Radosh

"what's happened to this site? it used to be one of my favorites. now there are never new posts and when there are it's bloodied and dismembered dead bodies... grave, indeed." - Some Guy Named Tim

"I don't get it." - Some Person Calling Him-/Herself "Cubeoid"

Text Ads, our nod to the Plebes
or, "Fun with Adblockers"

Recent Artifacts

The Archive Office (Front Desk)

Additional Information
Looking for an RSS Feed, or want to syndicate this site? Click here for that purpose.

Some of our older readers may be asking, "Whatever happened to that 'famous' two-column, Shallow and Grave-formatted version of Low Culture?" Rest assured, we've archived that motherfucker here.

This here site, though, was built and crafted by none other than Low Culture Design & Media Mega-Powerhouse HQ.