August 25, 2004
Your Ultimate Movie Guide for the Week of August 27

As Friday approaches, discriminating moviegoers across the nation (or at least in New York and Los Angeles, which technically spans the nation) will have to opt between some stellar choices when they head out to see some of the various new releases that the studios are unleashing this weekend. In the interest of simplicity, we've reduced the available films to a concise list of two, both of which will realistically be of keen interest to this site's loyal readers.

SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 The Brown Bunny
todo_superbabies.jpg todo_brownbunny.jpg
The first Baby Geniuses, to the best of my recollection, had a standout performance by Kathleen Turner, who was also in Academy-darling Sofia Coppola's debut film. Sofia Coppola next went on to direct Lost in Translation, which peripherally dealt with issues of cultural differentiation, that is, when it wasn't sucking. And this round of Geniuses, meanwhile, will most definitely be about the generation gap between babies and their parents, and will almost inevitably feature sucking, as well (be it of the thumb, or teat, or bottle-top variety). Right off the bat, everyone's going on and on about the fucking blowjob scene. Well, this is art, my friends, and writer-director Vincent Gallo will be sure to beat that point home through the usage of his long single-take shots of "the road ahead", which, as any cinephile knows, is as heavy a metaphor as one can find. On that note, pay attention to the anticipated slew of references and winks to director Chantal Akerman's notorious Jeanne Dielman, 23 Quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles, which was probably the last film to be released that featured equal amounts of skull-crushing existential boredom alongside loose-lipped whoredom. And that was 1976.
Upon deciding to see this film, you'll finally feel comfortable going up to that irksome woman in Human Resources with that fucking Anne Geddes calendar and asking her out. You'll be able to assure her that it'll be "our special night, just you, me and lots of babies, just like we may someday make together." If she doesn't swoon, it means she's likely fucking that guy in the COO's office. In keeping with this date motif, expect lots of sweet bonding opportunities as you and your partner in Gallo-fandom exchange humorous eye rolls during the long, long, long scenes of nothingness. And then prepare for some total discomfort when Chloe Sevigny begins sucking on Vincent Gallo's penis. I mean, seriously, that's almost funny, how awkward that'll be for the two of you. At least with the Anne Geddes chick you know you'll be going straight for the baby-making.
The characters (due to their age) are primarily played by twins and triplets, which, under the right circumstances, could be seen as referencing Luis Bu�uel's work. That might be an overly generous interpretation, however. There is but one Vincent Gallo, and he is a prime specimen of bohemian conservativism, as well as a compelling songwriter who penned what I believe to be the first-ever song about Paris Hilton, way back in, like, 2001.
It's distributed by Sony, which means you're indirectly supporting their proprietary "Connect" digital download music service, whose songs you won't be able to play on your iPod, which you probably don't own, because you're seeing a film called fucking Superbabies. It's distributed by Wellspring, who has a rather annoyingly low-budget production-credit intro sequence that appears before their films. But, more to the point, by seeing Vincent Gallo's film, you're supporting the Republican Party. Well, maybe just "sort of", but, still.
Posted in a Shallow fashion.

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