April 12, 2004
Queer Eye for an Eye

carson_pic.jpgThe Bible is the new bible of the self-help movement. In yesterday's Times Magazine, Rob Walker examined the phenomenal success of The Purpose-Driven Life, a Christianity-based guide to improving yourself. In turn, Sunday's New York Post gave readers a first look at The Maker's Diet, a weight-loss tome based on rules set forth in Leviticus and Deuteronomy. And for those religious gym bunnies, there's always The Lord's Gym (via Slate), a fitness center founded on Christian principles.

Indeed the influence of the Bible can be found in the unlikeliest places -- the new self-helper from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, for example. Surely those godless sodomites don't find inspiration in the Bible, right? Wrong. Just compare the two:

On grooming:

Then Moses said..."Do not let your hair become unkempt, and do not tear your clothes, or you will die and the LORD will be angry with the whole community."
Leviticus 10: 6

Hair is the most visible thing we can play with to change our appearance, so start on top. It's crucial to find a stylist you trust -- not only will they help you with a cool new haircut, they can also be a great source of expertise on how to style and care for it.
Kyan 92

Wine tasting:

There they offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with gall; but after tasting it, he refused to drink it.
Matthew 27: 34

If it's corked, it will smell moldy, or taste like vinegar, or be revolting in some other fairly obvious fashion. If you think there's something terribly wrong with it, ask the wine steward to taste it.
Ted 45

On skin care:

After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD.
2 Samuel 12: 20

Look for a moisturizer that's free of fragrance and hypoallergenic if you have sensitive skin that's easily irritated. Lotion is the most common form of moisturizer, good for normal or combination skin.
Kyan 108

On lighting:

They are to take a blue cloth and cover the lampstand that is for light...
Numbers 4: 9

I'd be happy with a dimmer on every light in the house -- they're crucial to modulating the mood of a space.
Thom 126

On decorating:

In your marketplace they traded with you beautiful garments, blue fabric, embroidered work and multicolored rugs with cords twisted and tightly knotted.
Ezekiel 27: 24

Go window-shopping -- wherever furniture is sold, just walk around and browse.
Thom 130

On belts:

This is what the LORD said to me: "Go and buy a linen belt and put it around your waist, but do not let it touch water."
Jeremiah 13: 1

Personality starts in the crotch region. But you knew that. Get a vintage leather strap and find a belt buckle that says something about your personality.
Carson 179

On the thank you:

Then he will thank you, and it will be regarded as a righteous act in the sight of the LORD your God.
Deuteronomy 24: 13

If someone holds the door open for you, say thank you. No one will ever say that being too polite is rude, so when in doubt, express your appreciation.
Jai 216

On despair:

And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"-- which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
Mark 15: 34

In the last year, American men have come to know and expect that the dramatic arrival of five impeccably dressed gay men at their door can mean only one thing: Their life is about to get more fabulous.
Introduction 11

Posted in a Shallow fashion.

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