Page Six‘s union sympathies: International Brotherhood of Typo Writers

From the New York Post, Page Six, April 22, 2004:

The union has set a May 2 deadline for reaching a new contract. “I came out of the meeting thinking there could be a strike,” said one writer.
The A-list participants at the closed-door powwow were David Kepp, who just got $3.5 million for penning “Zathura,” the sequel to “Jumanji”; Richard LaGravenese, whose credits include “The Fisher King” and “Bridges of Madison County”; Tom Gilroy, “The Bourne Identity”; Stephen Schiff, “Lolita”; Brian Kopelman and David Levien, the partners behind “Rounders” and “Runaway Jury”; Robert Benton, “Kramer vs. Kramer”; Nora (“Sleepless in Seattle”) Ephron and her husband Nick (“Goodfellas”) Pileggi; and James Shamus, the head of the Writers Guild East who wrote “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” and “The Hulk.”

Four typos in one sentence! Nice work, guys. In a non-union shop, the Post would have substituted “David Koepp” for their “David Kepp,” “Tony Gilroy” for their “Tom Gilroy,” “Brian Koppelman” for their “Brian Kopelman,” and “James Schamus” for their “James Shamus.”

Grave Satirical

Karl Rove for the Day, Vol. 4

From the Associated Press, “Bush Touts Patriot Act, Raises GOP Funds”, April 20, 2004:

President Bush speaks in support of the Patriot Act at Kleinhans Music Hall in Buffalo, N.Y., Tuesday, April 20, 2004. Listening to President Bush, from left to right, John Moslow, Chief of Police, Amherst, N.Y., Michael Battle, U.S. Attorney, Western, N.Y., Larry Thompson, former Deputy Attorney General, James McMahon, Director of Public Security, N.Y., Peter Ahearn, Special Agent in Charge, FBI, Buffalo, N.Y.


Girly-Boys Gone Wild

Wimp.jpg It is clear — the time has come for the MetroSexual Anti-Defamation League. As this casting call should reveal, those simpering, moisturizing girly-boys are about to be subjected to the sadistic imaginations of reality show producers. Have we learned nothing from Playing It Straight?

We’re looking for guys, 21-35, to star in an upcoming reality series for a major cable network. He just needs to be for adventure — and extremely UN-manly.
We want to hear about any guy you’d consider extremely UN-manly — the guy who needs to get in touch with his more primal side (and has a sense of humor). It could be a mamma’s boy, metrosexual, or minivan-driving carpool dad. Think George Costanza, Frasier Crane or Raymond without the whole everyone loving him part. Any version of modern emasculated man will be more than welcome. Be creative and have fun with it! To spark your imagination, here are a few examples:
Ladies, it could be your
…husband who’s painted NASCAR stripes on the minivan.
…new-age vegan ex who’s been so busy trying to save the world, he’s never experienced it.
…metrosexual boyfriend who thinks he’s prettier than you.
Guys, it could be
…the one guy that you and your buddies all think needs to grow a set.
…your old friend who’s serving time as a middle manager in a suburban office park.
…your trust fund college roommate who’s never had to work a day in his life.
…the guy in the office who’s over 30, still lives at home and has his clothes laid out for him. He may or may not be a virgin.

Interested applicants or angry wimps can find more information here. We’re assuming the show will air on FX.


Escalation of the Unwilling

coalition_map.gifWhat a week, eh? It’s not yet “Humpday,” but in the past 48 hours, the Bush administration has had to endure three distinct diplomatic blows at the hands of international allies. The term “allies”, of course, refers to nations that at one point agreed with the U.S. administration’s ideology on issues of global relations – that is, until they realized they’d been manipulated, lied to, and disingenuously dealt with.
SPAIN: “Spain’s new leader firm on Iraq”

Spain’s new leader is standing firm in his pledge to pull Spanish troops out of Iraq, despite U.S. and British pressure…Last week, Zapatero rejected an appeal from U.S. President George W. Bush to stand by the U.S.-led coalition in Iraq.

HONDURAS: “Honduras to pull troops out of Iraq”

The US-led coalition in Iraq suffered its second defection in 24 hours yesterday when Honduran President Ricardo Maduro said he would withdraw his nation’s 368 troops “as soon as possible”.

JORDAN: “Jordan’s King Delays Bush Meeting, Cites Mideast Stance”

Jordan’s King Abdullah postponed a meeting with President Bush scheduled for tomorrow, citing concerns about Washington’s position on the Middle East peace process, officials said yesterday.

Wait! Don’t forget this extra-special bonus round of glum spirits and/or outright defections:
THAILAND: “Honduras to pull out troops, and Thais look shaky”

The Thai Prime Minister, Thaksin Shinawatra, said of his troops: “If we get hurt or killed, I will not keep them there.” The Thai Senate began a debate yesterday on a resolution calling for the troops to come home.

THE PHILIPPINES and SOUTH AMERICA: (also from “Honduras to pull troops out of Iraq”, referenced above)

Philippines President Gloria Arroyo said she was “unlikely” to withdraw 100 soldiers and police officers stationed in Iraq. Mrs Arroyo, who faces a tight election on May 10, has been slammed by opposition politicians for the Iraq commitment.
“She loves President Bush more than her countrymen,” Senate candidate Juan Ponce Enrile said.
The Honduran troops are attached to the Spanish regiment in Iraq, along with 374 Salvadoran and 302 Dominican troops who are due to go home in July. Nicaragua’s 115 troops left Iraq in February and were not replaced.

These weak-willed foreign leaders, so clearly cowering in their boots, having been influenced by the Madrid terror attacks…Oh, wait, that was just Spain, and their voting population was already 90 percent against their nation’s policy in Iraq before last month’s presidential election, and that was before former President (and Bush ally) Jose Maria Aznar’s administration lied to the public about Basque separatist responsibility for the terror attacks.
The American public, meanwhile, can rest assured that we must be getting the “correct” news, as opposed to all this discouraging foreign nonsense about dishonesty and deception, since a CNN/USA Today poll released Monday shows President Bush leading presumptive Democratic Presidential candidate John Kerry by 51 percent to 46 percent in a survey of likely voters taken this past weekend.


Profiles in Coverage (Uppage)

bush as kennedy


Tina Brown’s worst dinner party ever

“Would you please pass the apocalypse?”
Artwork taken from the April 19, 2004 issue of the TIME 100 (“our list of the 100 most influential people in the world today”).
And sitting next to Hillary Clinton in the foreground…what the hell did Jeff Jarvis do to get invited?

Satirical Shallow

Tomorrow’s Corrections Today, vol. 3

Slated to appear on the New York Times’ Corrections page, April 20, 2004:

Because of an editing error, an article by Julie Flaherty in yesterday’s Business section, “Many Started Web Logs for Fun, But Bloggers Need Money, Too,” accidentally misstated the number of internet users who read Web logs, or blogs. The article claimed that blogs “are frequented by only about 10 percent of people who use the Internet.” The corrected sentence should have said, “are frequented by only about 10 people who use the internet.” The Times regrets the error.


Dorff on Britney

If you were dating Dorff, you’d kill yourself too.
[Click on Dorff for the full video.]


I’m Lovin’ Shit

munchright.jpgIn a major press conference yesterday, McDonald’s, alongside Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson, unveiled a new line of “Go Active” meals – the fast-food giant’s response to having created a nation of fatties. Not only will these adult “Happy Meals” contain bottled water, McDonald’s will also include a brochure encouraging adults to walk more. With this bold move McDonald’s has made it clear – the obesity epidemic ends here. Or as Secretary Tom Tom put it, “It’s important to recognize companies doing the right thing.”
If McDonald’s adult campaign is anywhere near as exhaustive or successful as their children’s crusade, we may be certain that “Go Active” will have absolutely no impact at all. graindudes.jpgThe What’s On Your Plate program encourages kids to stay fit through a variety of techniques intended to teach them “how to maintain a balanced diet and enjoy a healthy lifestyle. By talking to kids in their language, [it] tackles important questions such as, ‘Is it ok to eat cake everyday?’ and ‘Why does mom want me to eat all different foods?'” That’s right, the important questions.
“What’s On Your Plate’s” mascot is Willie Munchright, who looks more like he should feature in an animated version of Super Size Me than any anti-obesity campaign. Pasty and pale Master Munchright has dark bags under his eyes; he also appears to be losing his hair. He’s a kind of Edward Gorey vision of the average McDonald’s consumer. But with answers like these appearing on the McDonald’s website, who could be surprised that little Willie’s HDL might be a little high?

Q: Can McDonald’s food be part of a healthy, balanced diet?
A: Yes. Many nutrition professionals agree that McDonald’s food can be part of a healthy diet based on the sound nutrition principles of balance, variety and moderation.
Q: What role does fast food play in obesity?
A: Health experts the world over – including the World Health Organization, the U.S. Surgeon General and the American Dietetic Association – agree that no single factor is responsible for obesity.

On May 6, “Go Active” meals will be available in McDonald’s nationwide. And if these exciting steps forward really do change America’s eating habits, we can all look forward to a summer filled with even more toned hardbodies than usual.


As Seen on Cinemax After Dark…

From an interview with Alexandra Robbins, author of Pledged: The Secret Life of Sororities:

[The sorority] had a tradition called boob ranking where pledges had just a limited amount of time to strip off their shirt and bras to examine each other topless so that by the time the clock was up, they were basically lined up in order of chest size in order of [sic] the sisters to inspect. Some sororities hold what they call “naked parties,” during which after a few drinks sisters and pledges strip off their clothes and basically run around the house naked, some of them hooking up with each other before they let the boys in.