The Ice Cream Truck That Mauled Kool Keith

The universal ambassador for ultra-weird, hyper-manic hip-hop himself, Kool Keith is being sued by the famed ice cream vendor Haagen-Dazs for "egregious slander and misrepresentation in the public sphere," the rapper’s attorneys announced today at a press conference held in San Francisco.

The source of all the hullabaloo? Kool Keith (real name: Keith Thornton), formerly associated with the late 80s Ultramagnetic MC’s and Mo’Wax’s mid-90s Dr. Octagon project, recently released his major-label Black Elvis guise upon the rap-buying public, even sporting a plastic Elvis wig to fully flush out the episode of bizarre personality adoption. The ice cream-conflict in question arose after the business affairs folks at Haagen-Dazs’ US offices learned about an unreleased track, "Pints of Pleasure."

The suit, asking for an injunction against the song’s domestic distribution, grew out of the ice cream manufacturer’s concerns over corporate misrepresentation that allegedly occurs in the track’s lyrics -- "Five alarm fire in the Haagen-Dazs parlor/ Hot fudge getting hotter/ Just like on Neptune/ They sell the pints there/ Space alien police blotter/ Detective Dulce de Leche and her Cappuccino Commotion." The company’s lawyers issued a statement explaining that "Dulce de Leche is not a ‘detective,’ but rather a delicious frozen confectionary treat enjoyed by millions of ice cream fans, as is our beloved Cappuccino Commotion."

In turn, the irascible rapper announced that he is countersuing because, as he put it, "Why does Haagen-Dazs got to be so damn delicious?"

>>> The Haagen-Dazs Corporation
>>> Kool Keith as Black Elvis