After years of rebuffing your advances, George, I'm ready to admit...I love you.

From what can only be described as hailing from a zero-degrees-Kelvin circle of hell, the following news item has appeared:

Bush Urges Conservation as Retail Gas Prices Rise, the New York Times, September 26, 2005:

President Bush called on Americans to conserve gasoline and avoid non-essential driving today as the average national prices for retail gasoline climbed higher for the first time since they peaked over the Labor Day weekend.

Slowly but surely, you've been opening these floodgates of passion, my liberal, free-spending darling.

Let's do it, George. Leave your clown-faced wife. It's you and me, now. Just us. Let's roll around in the protected marshlands together. Let's run off to Northampton and get married. You and me, let's start hugging the trees when we're not too busy making sweet, gay love.

Damage Control Watch: In the Bubble or Off the Wagon?

From Living Too Much In the Bubble?, Time, September 11, 2005:

On the Monday that Hurricane Katrina landed and the Crescent City began drowning, Bush was joshing with Senator John McCain on the tarmac of an Air Force base in Arizona, posing with a melting birthday cake. Like a scene out of a Michael Moore mockumentary, he was heading into a long-planned Medicare round table at a local country club, joking that he had "spiced up" his entourage by bringing the First Lady, then noting to the audience that he had phoned Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff from Air Force One. "I said, 'Are you working with the Governor?'" Bush recounted. "He said, 'You bet we are.'" But the President was not talking about the killer storm. He was talking about immigration, and the Governor was Arizona's.

From Bush's Booze Crisis, The National Enquirer, September 21, 2005:

"When the levees broke in New Orleans, it apparently made him reach for a shot," said one insider. "He poured himself a Texas-sized shot of straight whiskey and tossed it back. The First Lady was shocked and shouted: "Stop George!"

Sure, it's a logical explanation for the last month's worth of public appearances -- but does this make the President the second man to appear before the United Nations General Assembly smashed out of his gourd?

Or the third?

Unintentionally Hilarious Photo of the Moment, vol. 58

Unintentionally Hilarious Photo of the Moment, vol. 57

Lining Up for Good News: This Week in the Job Market

Sony Corp. to Slash 10,000 Jobs Globally, Thursday, September 22, 2005

Delta Plans to Cut Up to 9,000 Jobs, Thursday, September 22, 2005

Philadelphia Newspapers cutting 100 staffers, Tuesday, September 20, 2005

New York Times Co. to cut 500 jobs, or about 4% of staff, Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Fed raises interest rates for 11th consecutive time, Tuesday, September 20, 2005

The Federal Reserve raised a key short-term interest rate Tuesday and suggested more rate hikes are on the way, saying it believes the effects of Hurricane Katrina on the economy would be temporary.

The central bank's policy-makers boosted their target for the federal funds rate a quarter-percentage point to 3.75 percent, the highest level in more than four years.
For consumers, the increase in the fed funds rate, an overnight bank lending rate, means higher rates for credit cards, car loans and adjustable-rate mortgages.

low culture Exclusive: the Twin Towers Fell Fashionably Early!

The Century 21 Department Store overlooking the wreckage of the World Trade Center at Ground Zero, September 18, 2005. A close-up below:

Not only is Century 21, downtown's pre-eminent bargain-rate clothing store, discounting their prices on designer neckties and Polo boxers, but it seems they've taken to discounting the lives of nearly 2,500 New Yorkers who perished mere yards away from the site of the store's high-quality sale items.

Is there anything remotely funny or clever about "falling" into fashion as we stay the course in Iraq to defend the lives of those who perished that solemn day four years ago, as the city's iconic Twin Towers tumbled mercilessly to their molten demise??

We urge you to boycott Century 21 and abstain from purchasing their fine selection of men's Geoffrey Beene linen shirts.

EARLIER: low culture Exclusive: An Outrage Grows in Brooklyn!!!
low culture Exclusive: The Outrage Continuesâ€'Continuously!!!
low culture Exclusive: The Outrage Gets Outragously Obvious!!!

September 2005: Black History Month for the White House

From Bush Questions Reopening of New Orleans, the Associated Press, September 19, 2005:

"We have made our position loud and clear," Bush said. "The mayor is working hard. The mayor _ you know, he's got this dream about having a city up and running, and we share that dream. But we also want to be realistic about some of the hurdles and obstacles that we all confront in repopulating New Orleans."

Mayor Ray Nagin, for what it's worth, is a colored man.

George Bush doesn't care about poor people

President Bush, center, stops for a group photo as he greets visitors at the White House on his return from a two day respite at Camp David, in Washington, Sunday, Sept. 18, 2005.(AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

In his televised address to the nation from New Orleans last Thursday night, President Bush inspired millions of Americans who had become concerned with what was perceived to be the federal government's belated and inadequate response to the Disaster That Was Katrina. Channeling the finest moments of FDR, he lifted our wounded spirits and explained how the wrongs that had inflicted America over the past several centuries were going to be corrected under his watch...the true, idealistic Compassionate Conservative.

As all of us saw on television, there's also some deep, persistent poverty in this region, as well. That poverty has roots in a history of racial discrimination, which cut off generations from the opportunity of America. We have a duty to confront this poverty with bold action. So let us restore all that we have cherished from yesterday, and let us rise above the legacy of inequality.

Stirring. Resonant. We saw this poverty on our flat-screen TVs in the White House situation room, and, fuck, we're going to fix this shit. We're going to throw cash your way. Cash. Money. Bills. You black people like that shit, right? Yeah? Yeah? Check this shit out, all these noble actions and understanding gestures we've got for you poor, penniless motherfuckers:

Sensenbrenner: Nix on Bankruptcy Delay, TPMCafe, September 14, 2005:

Congressman Jim Sensenbrenner, chair of the House Judiciary Committee, refuses to even consider a vote delaying bankruptcy law changes for Katrina victims.  The party line is, the law is, was, and always will be perfect, and why mess with perfection?

Medicaid Cuts to Continue Despite Hurricane Katrina, TPMCafe, September 19, 2005:

While legislation was delayed last week, House leaders are determined to introduce legislation cutting $10 billion from the Medicaid program once they can turn their attention away from the hurricane cleanup.

OK, but what does our First Black President Who Also Happened to Be Poor think?

Clinton Levels Sharp Criticism at the President's Relief Effort, the New York Times and ABC News, September 19, 2005:

"I think it's very important that Americans understand, you know, tax cuts are always popular, but about half of these tax cuts since 2001 have gone to people in my income group, the top 1 percent. I've gotten four tax cuts. They're responsible for this big structural deficit, and they're not going away, the deficits aren't. Now, what Americans need to understand is that that means every single day of the year, our government goes into the market and borrows money from other countries to finance Iraq, Afghanistan, Katrina and our tax cuts. We have never done this before. Never in the history of our republic have we ever financed a conflict, military conflict, by borrowing money from somewhere else."

It's not the heat, it's the stupidity

U.S. President George W. Bush boards Air Force One after speaking about Hurricane Katrina's damage to the nation on network television from Jackson Square in New Orleans, September 15, 2005. Bush believes the vision for rebuilding should be 'locally inspired,' but that the country as a whole needs to be committed to that longer-term effort. The president will continue to the White House following the speech. REUTERS/Larry Downing

John Roberts, Fuck Yeah!

Sure thing John Roberts (l.) and Team American Gary Johnston (r.)

(Big thx Martin...)