Entertainment Alert: Orange

Soon To Be A Major Motion Picture: Um, again.

Don't Invite Bush to Your Wedding

While it may be unrealistic to have expected former Clinton White House aide Sidney Blumenthal to be anything but partisan when he was asked to write a behind-the-scenes "commentary" on the recent opening of the Clinton Presidential Library in Little Rock earlier this month, some of the various quotes and anecdotes which appear in the resulting piece in the UK's Guardian Observer are, well, rather incriminating in their indictment of the current Bush administration, to say the least.

So, here we are then...reporting from the library's opening ceremonies, Blumenthal puts forth the following top-notch, choice, and oh-so-prime snippets (in that order):

Scene 1, in which the President tips us off to his penchant for reading Ian Fleming spy novels before going to bed at 9pm each night:

Bush appeared distracted, and glanced repeatedly at his watch. When he stopped to gaze at the river, where secret service agents were stationed in boats, the guide said: "Usually, you might see some bass fishermen out there." Bush replied: "A submarine could take this place out."

Scene 2, in which the President reveals his disregard for Israeli politicos not named "Sharon", as well as his adherence to a low-calorie drink diet:

At the private luncheon afterwards, in a heated tent pitched behind the library, Shimon Peres delivered a heartfelt toast to Clinton's perseverance in pursuing the Middle East peace process. Upon entering the tent, Bush, according to an eyewitness, told an aide: "One gulp and we're out of here." He had informed the Clintons he would stay through the lunch, but by the time Peres arose with wine glass in hand the president was gone.

Scene 3, in which the President's chief adviser (née "Brain") shows off his sardonically conservative mindset, all while failing to make anyone laugh (because, frankly, this shit's not that funny, and it's really quite sad that this nation's going to hell, but, hey, who are we to judge, and let's just get on with the Blumenthal documentation, shall we?):

According to two eyewitnesses, Rove had shown keen interest in everything he saw, and asked questions, including about costs, obviously thinking about a future George W Bush library and legacy. "You're not such a scary guy," joked his guide. "Yes, I am," Rove replied. Walking away, he muttered deliberately and loudly: "I change constitutions, I put churches in schools ..."

Dude, They Stole My Band's Name!

"The International Committee of the Red Cross has charged in confidential reports to the United States government that the American military has intentionally used psychological and sometimes physical coercion "tantamount to torture" on prisoners at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba..."
-Red Cross Finds Detainee Abuse in Guantánamo, by Neil A. Lewis, The New York Times, Nov. 30, 2004.

Not cool, Red Cross. Well, there's always my backup band name: The Motoboys.

And he can order all the stationery he wants, as long as it's limited to one box

Buried within a much larger discussion of the reconfiguration of President Bush's second-term economic program, comes this ominous little nugget of semantics regarding future cabinet shake-ups, from "Bush to Change Economic Team", the Washington Post, November 29, 2004:

One senior administration official said Treasury Secretary John W. Snow can stay as long as he wants, provided it is not very long.

Law & Order: Insurgent Destruction Unit

From the Associated Press: "Iraqi National Guard members arrests petrol black marketeers in Baghdad Monday Nov. 29, 2004. (AP Photo/Khalid Mohammed)"

I want to fuck you like an, umm...wait. How exactly does one fuck an insurgent?

A US marine outside of Fallujah, 2004, as photographed by AFP/Mehdi Fedouach; Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor, 1994, as photographed by "Closer" music video director Mark Romanek

low culture Exclusive: The Outrage Continues—Continuously!!!

(Ground) Zero Tact: Another offensive Cingular billboard, Lafayette St. and Astor Pl.

On November 19, this website published a revelation so important, so earth-shattering, our comments database promptly crashed due to the overwhelming feedback we received.

I am referring, of course, to low culture Exclusive: An Outrage Grows in Brooklyn!!!, about Cingular's insensitive Twin Towers-themed billboard on Fourth Avenue and 9th Street in Brooklyn.

Since then, the post has richocheted around the internet, spread like wild fire, grown like kudzu, and just kept going and going like one of those battery-operated toy rabbits.

If our comments were any indication, America was just as outraged by Cingular's billboard as we were:

"so clearly ... the twin towers"
"Advertising is subliminal. They want gut reactions."
"... those are the Twin Towers..."
"...these are obviously ... supposed to be the towers. i think anyone ... can figure that out."
"When the twin towers were still standing, they were the same size, which is why they called them the twin towers..."

And, most damning of all:

"i work for cingular and thought this was hilarious."

Hilarious, huh? Well, apparently Cingular is upping the ante by putting up not one, but several of these offensive billboards on the corner of Lafayette and Astor Place, a few blocks north of the World Trade Center! Yes, it's true: The outrage continues. Worse yet, the representation of the Twin Towers crumbling, falling apart, appears almost exactly where the towers themselves would appear when looking downtown. Out-freakin'-rageous!

Please, we urge you once again to boycott Catherine Zeta Jones, despite her endorsement of T-Mobile. Boycott her because she married that slimy Michael Douglas! This outrage must be stopped!

Earlier: low culture Exclusive: An Outrage Grows in Brooklyn!!!

Please Tell Me I'm Misunderstanding This Photo and They're Not Eating Ham in a Mosque. Please.

U.S. Army 1st Battalion, 24th Infantry soldiers relax near a space heater after a traditional Thanksgiving dinner of turkey and ham was delivered to their outpost in Mosul, Iraq Thursday, Nov. 25, 2004. Insurgents rose up this month in Mosul, Iraq's third-largest city, during an offensive by U.S. and Iraqi forces in Fallujah. (AP Photo/Jim MacMillan)

Related: Somebody Tell Lt. Brandon Turner That He's Insane [Under The Same Sun]

The Haunting of the President, 2004

The Spirit: "Why won't this damn ghost stop followin' me around?"

One of 1,229.

Earlier: Thanksgiving 2003: The Mourn of Plenty

At least the media's finally admitting that there's a "Pravda"-like element going on with this whole Iraq thing

As today's Washington Post covers American troops' latest movements into the war-ravaged region surrounding Baghdad, there seems to be a new element of self-doubt and, dare we say it, anti-patriotism creeping into the paper's coverage of the war in Iraq. In other words, that unique sort of "what the fuck is happening here?" angle that we thought only Michael Wolff wasn't afraid to touch! To wit, take notice of the following bit which appears at the outset of "Offensive Launched South of Baghdad", focusing on the second and third paragraphs of the news item by Anthony Shadid:

BAGHDAD, Nov. 23 -- More than 5,000 U.S., British and Iraqi troops launched an offensive Tuesday against a swath of territory south of Baghdad where armed insurgents have roamed through the streets, imposed stringent Islamic law and carried out kidnappings and summary executions at checkpoints along the main roads.

The campaign began with a series of raids this morning in Jabala, a town east of the most restive region, which Iraqis have dubbed the "Triangle of Death." The U.S. military said in a statement that it had detained 32 men believed to be insurgents. In the past three weeks, it said, U.S. and Iraqi forces have arrested nearly 250 insurgents.

The military statements were impossible to confirm independently. The territory, inhabited by a mix of Sunni and Shiite Muslims, has become too dangerous for foreign reporters to visit.

Also impossible to confirm was Post executive editor Leonard Downie's newfound sense of doubt in administration propaganda. Because, as we all know, in March 2003 it was far too dangerous for American news reporters to congregate around independent booksellers and alternate news outlets while engaging in research on reasons as to why the invasion of Iraq may have been a bad idea at the outset...

I mean, responsible journalism? What the fuck is that?