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July 30, 2004Noteworthy salutes by today's top newsmakers
Wow, you really did explain this just the other day
It may be the week of John Kerry's ascendacy to the Democratic nomination for the Presidenta period of time during the presidential campaign where the opposition candidate traditionally lays lowbut that doesn't mean the incumbent executive branch's Number 2 isn't hitting the road and campaigning for local candidates. For the past few days, Vice President Dick Cheney (whom we've poked fun at before for his inability to stray from the rote lines of his standard stump speech) has brought his unique form of existential musings out west. Here, the veep ponders the idea of an alternate universe, five discrete times in twenty-four hours: Remarks Followed by Q&A by the Vice President at a Reception for Congressional Candidates Goli Ameri and Jim Zupancic, Portland, Oregon, July 26, 2004: But I explained to a group the other day that if it hadn't been for that victory by Dwight Eisenhower in 1952, Lynne would have married somebody else. (Laughter.) And she said, right, and how he'd be Vice President of the United States. (Laughter and applause.) The Vice President Delivers Remarks at Luncheon for Congressional Candidate Roy Ashburn, Bakersfield, California, July 26, 2004: And I explained to a group the other day that if it hadn't been for Dwight Eisenhower's victory in 1952, Lynne would have married somebody else. She said, right, and now he'd be Vice President of the United States. (Laughter and applause.) Remarks Followed by Q&A by the Vice President at a Luncheon for Gubernatorial Candidate Dino Rossi, Kennewick, Washington, July 26, 2004: But I explained to a group the other night, if it hadn't been for that tremendous election victory by Dwight Eisenhower in 1952, Lynne would have married somebody else. And she said, right, and how he'd be Vice President of the United States. (Laughter and applause.) The Vice President Delivers Remarks at a Reception for Senatorial Candidate Bill Jones, Riverside, California, July 27, 2004: I explained to a group the other night if hadn't been for Eisenhower's great victory in 1952, Lynne would have married somebody else. (Laughter.) And she said, right, and now he'd be Vice President of the United States. (Laughter.) Remarks by the Vice President at a Luncheon for Congressional Candidate John Swallow, Salt Lake City, Utah, July 27, 2004: I explained to a group the other day that if hadn't been for Dwight Eisenhower's election victory, Lynne would have married somebody else. She said, right, and now he'd be Vice President of the United States. (Laughter and applause.) EARLIER: Dick Cheney (repeating a different aspect of his stump speech), George W. Bush, and John Kerry July 29, 2004Highlights and noteworthy policy points from John Edwards' acceptance speech at the Democratic Convention last night
July 27, 2004We're Just Like UsAs part of our continuing coverage of this year's exciting race for the White House, we asked noted "celebrity body language expert" Patti Wood to provide her unique brand of insight on the "hidden" feelings of politicians as indicated by their physical gestures and maneuvers, but she declined, claiming to be too busy working on an in-depth body language piece for Us Weekly on the recent split between Spiderman 2's Kirsten Dunst and yesterday's it-boy Jake Gyllenhaal. Ms. Wood's less-successful sister, Cathy, agreed to step in and help us analyze and assess the inner workings of this year's political love lives and goings-on, explaining that she had learned a lot about this process from her older sister. (She did, however, express some dismay about not being able to studiously examine photos of "that total hottie, Jake. I want to touch him.") Continued after the jump.
July 26, 2004Skeet, Skeet, VoteWhen you're MTV, and you're inexplicably working with the GOP to galvanize the youth vote, and you're all, "Let's get some kids voting and shit," and they're all, "Bitches, let's get a program going, and we'll get busy on our website, the front page and shit," and you say, "Fuck yeah, we've got this shit right here, check out this fine-ass agendum," then you give 'em an essay contest for young people on "how President Bush's call to service resonates in their lives": Choose or Lose 2004: "Stand Up and Holla!" Not having taken part in this inspirational program, we can only take a gander at additional elements and events from the MTV/RNC "Choose or Lose" Program Guide: "GOP 2004: Get All Up in this Peace" "Gippa, Please" "Off the Hizzy, GOPizzy" "Rock the Hizzouse of Representatives" "Kerry's Bunk in the Crunk" "Bust a Cap(ital Punishment)" "Like Junk in the Trunk? Ni**as get Sunk" "Niger, Please: I Wanna Sex You Up" "Please, Hamid, Don't Hurt 'Em" "Bush 41 got Sonned" "The Roof, The Roof is on Fire! And the Fire Department's Underfunded!" "Don't Believe tha Hype... Actually, Believe It. Please." "Compassionizzle Conservatizzle" "If I Ruled The World, Actually, I do, so go Fuck Yourself" "We Skeet on Welfare Bitches, too" "No Homo" "Stand Up and Hola! (We welcome Latinos, though)" And, finally, They must have used all the letter W's for signs about some other fellowOffered up at yesterday's Rock the Vote event in Boston: Jerry Springer, Biz Markie, Natalie Portman, Lauryn Hill, Al Sharpton, Howard Dean, and creative usages of an upside-down letter M. If he loses, there's always 2016
“Why, hello, there, Gracie! Your mommy was very thoughtful for allowing us to host this event here in your front yard, despite the current President's policies on home ownership and property taxes. In fact, if you add up the true costs of this President's economic policies, you get a Bush Tax of higher property taxes, higher fees, higher health care costs - at the same time middle class incomes are going down. In 32 states, state and local property taxes have gone up. This Bush Tax - Boochy-koochy-koo! - can take $3500 or more from the pockets of America's middle class. "Awwww, don't cry, little Gracie. Oh, no, no, no. Be a big girl. Think of your mommy: She can't afford four more years of Bush. You know what, though? If this President wants to make this election about taxes after he's cut billions for billionaires and squeezed middle class families, we're ready for that fight. Coochy-coochy-coochy-coo." July 22, 2004We rewrite, you decide, Vol. 5From the Remarks by the President at the 2004 President's Dinner at the Washington Convention Center, July 21, 2004: It's now been three and a half years since the Vice President and I took office. We've faced significant challenges. We have met them head-on. I believe it's the President's job to confront problems, not to pass them on to future Presidents and future generations. (Applause.) From the President's State of the Union Address, January 20, 2004: In two weeks, I will send you a budget that funds the war, protects the homeland, and meets important domestic needs, while limiting the growth in discretionary spending to less than 4 percent. (Applause.) This will require that Congress focus on priorities, cut wasteful spending, and be wise with the people's money. By doing so, we can cut the deficit in half over the next five years. (Applause.) According to the Congressional Budget Office, by way of Calpundit, this still means a deficit of anywhere from $240 to $500 billion in 2009. 2009? That means that this deficit is a "problem" that President Bush (regardless of the outcome of this year's election) will certainly not be around to confront. Applause, please. July 21, 2004She's got her mother's face, and her daddy's respect for the mediaThis image was taken from the focal point of the Washington Post's most important news story EVER (eclipsing coverage of Samuel Berger's resignation from the Kerry campaign, tomorrow's report by the 9/11 commission, and the Palestinian leadership's current disarray): July 20, 2004How does he pull the strings while thumbing his nose like that?
(This remarkable confluence via Dan Froomkin's White House Briefing, the Washington Post, July 20, 2004) |
Recent Entries
Noteworthy salutes by today's top newsmakers
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